I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
