He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
