No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
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he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
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he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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