walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Drake has all the answers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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