Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
