Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
