Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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