Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize