A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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