I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
