Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
