We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂