i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
