I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
FUCK WHALES
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