i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
