margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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