I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
