can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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