i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
