It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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