hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
