His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
