Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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