would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
