While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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