Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
