I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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