Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
