Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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