i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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