I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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