wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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