did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
