I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
