is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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