I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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