Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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