I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
