i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
