i barfeds in our rink
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
