we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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