HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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