whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
