it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
