Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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