everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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