i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
