I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
