Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
