Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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