I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
