My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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