Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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