i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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