Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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