she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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