It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
