worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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