I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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