Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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