I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
