Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
