Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize