i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
