Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm at about main and main street
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
