Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
