You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
