Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
