Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the condom got lost in my hair
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
