You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
