We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
