I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
