What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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