There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize