Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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