does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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