So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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