Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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