hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
