this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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