i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
