I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
