worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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