dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
