The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
