Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We have so much sex to catch up on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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