What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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