quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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